We spend our lives in relationships. We are a spouse, sibling, child, friend, co-worker, and more! Like it or not, most of us are not completely isolated from the world. We interact with those around us, building relationships. Our brain encodes these relationships as "two people": yourself and the other person. When half of the relationship is gone, it takes time for the brain to adjust from "we" to "me.

While we navigate the countless roles that shape our connections, loss disrupts these relationships profoundly, often leaving us struggling to redefine ourselves in the absence of the other.

Symptoms of Grief

Loss is a profound stressor that can deeply impact your emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
Let’s examine some of the ways it manifests:

Emotional Symptoms

Grief can “come in waves.” You may feel fine one moment, and then an emotion can wash over you without warning. Grief can cause you to experience a full spectrum of emotions — from sadness to joy to anger.

You may experience confusing and conflicting emotions, such as:

• Sadness: The feeling of loss that a loved one is gone, but relief that they’re at peace.
• Yearning: A strong desire to be with that person again.
• Guilt: For things said, or not said, or for feeling grateful that you no longer have to provide around-the-clock care.
• Competing feelings of apathy, anger, sadness, and regret.

There are no right or wrong emotions, but it is essential to acknowledge and feel them in order to heal.

Physical Symptoms

• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Nausea
• Restlessness
• Upset stomach
• Heart palpitations
• Weak muscles or joint pain
• Tightness in your chest or throat
• Reduced or increased appetite
• Trouble sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping too much

Behavioral Changes

• Confusion
• Trouble thinking or making decisions
• Feeling as if you’ve lost a sense of hope or direction
• Difficulty focusing on anything other than your loss
• Difficulty remembering or keeping track of your responsibilities
• Taking on more responsibilities than seems reasonable or manageable

Ways of Dealing with Grief

• Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings: Grieving is a normal part of dealing with loss, but you can’t grieve if you don’t allow the feelings in. Be sure to recognize the need to grieve and let it run its natural course. Your emotional health will be better served if you face your grief.

• Write a letter to the deceased loved one: If you’ve recently lost a loved one, try expressing your feelings through a letter or journal about your thoughts and feelings. Writing about your emotions can be cathartic and help with coping.

• Journal about positive memories: This is similar to writing a letter and can apply to any sort of loss. Even if you’ve lost your house, journaling about positive memories and experiences will help you focus on the good times. In terms of a loved one’s death or divorce, journal about why you loved them and the joy you shared together.

• Talk to someone: Even though talking to someone about your feelings seems simple, it can be extremely challenging. People may feel safer shutting everyone else out during their time of grief. Resist that urge and find a confidant to share with.

• Understand grief affects everybody: Grief is not age-specific or limited to certain populations. Children, teens, and adults all grieve. Recognize this fact and expect signs of grief from all involved parties, no matter the age. And remember, everyone has their own unique way of grieving. There is no textbook way to grieve.

• Lend a supportive ear to others: Maybe someone else’s grief doesn’t affect you in the same way or much at all. It’s still important to support your loved ones during their grieving process. Be there to listen and comfort them.

  With kids, listening and being supportive is critical. Be sure to let them work through the process and answer their questions directly as they arise. Avoiding their questions or answering in a roundabout way may lead a child to make up stories and even blame themselves for the death or loss.

• Prepare for recurring grief: Holidays, birthdays, and other events can spark grief — even years after a loss. Recognize these triggers and prepare to handle the grief as needed.

  • You can do this by:
    • Create a new tradition by lighting a candle, or visiting your loved one's favorite place
    • Do something that they loved by cooking a favorite meal or engage in a favorite activity
    • Reach out for support by gathering with family and friends who loved you loved one. Sharing stories can be a great comfort and can help you feel less isolated.
    • Write a letter to your loved one as though he or she is still here. Expressing your thoughts and feelings can help you process the thoughts and feelings that arise on anniversaries. 
• Seek additional help- Adding resources like support groups in online forums, or professional counseling could further help.

Loss and subsequent grieving are challenging! But with proper coping techniques and an understanding of the grieving process, you will be better prepared to handle grief and loss.”

Grief can take from 6 months to 2 years to fully resolve, but remember, there is no timeline! You need to grieve in your own time. The tips listed above can help you move through that process, but everyone is on their own journey. Don't let anyone tell you differently!

Additional resources:

• Counseling and Therapy Services
  • You can seek out local therapists or a grief counselor specialize in loss or online therapy platforms like BetterHelp and Talkspace also offer licensed professionals who can help guide the grieving process.
  • Hospice Foundation of America offers resources, webinars, and support groups that focus on end-of-life care, grief, and loss. hospicefoundation.org
• Support Groups
  • GriefShare is nationwide network of grief support groups that meet in person and online. griefshare.org
  • The Compassionate Friends is a nonprofit organization offering support groups and resources specifically for those grieving the loss of a child. compassionatefriends.org
• Books on Grief
  • "On Grief and Grieving" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler: This book provides insights on the stages of grief and offers comfort through understanding.
  • "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman: A daily reader with reflections and affirmations for those experiencing grief.
  • "It's OK That You're Not OK" by Megan Devine: A compassionate guide offering validation for grief and emphasizing that there’s no “right” way to grieve.
• Online Articles and Blogs
  • What’s Your Grief: An online community providing articles, resources, and courses on grief, loss, and coping. whatsyourgrief.com
  • Grieving.com: A supportive forum where people can share experiences, challenges, and helpful advice about coping with loss. grieving.com
• Mobile Apps for Grief Support
  • Headspace and Calm: These meditation apps have specific guided sessions focused on handling loss, managing difficult emotions, and fostering mindfulness to help with grief.
  • Grief Coach: Sends personalized text messages with tips, encouragement, and reminders to both the bereaved and those supporting them. grief.coach
• Hotlines and Crisis Resources
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Available 24/7 for anyone in crisis, especially those experiencing complex grief. In the U.S., the number is 988.
  • Crisis Text Line: For those who prefer texting, the Crisis Text Line offers support by texting HELLO to 741741 in the U.S.

Conclusion:

In life, relationships are the threads that weave meaning, purpose, and joy into our days. When we experience the loss of a loved one, we’re left to untangle the "we" that our brain has so carefully intertwined. This process is often challenging, but through self-compassion, supportive coping techniques, and the courage to face our emotions, we can gradually move from heartbreak to healing.

Grieving is a journey, unique to each person and without a set timeline. Embrace your own path, honoring both the memories and the lessons that your loved one brought into your life. By giving yourself the grace to feel, reflect, and remember, you can find strength in the moments of remembrance and hope in the resilience of the human spirit. Healing may come slowly, but with time, it can bring peace and a renewed sense of purpose.

Questions:

1. How would you like to honor your loved one’s memory during significant dates or holidays? Are there new traditions or rituals you might create in their memory?
2. If children are grieving too, what’s one way you can help them feel safe and supported in expressing their emotions?
3. In times of difficulty, who in your life could be a source of support? How can you take a step toward opening up to them?

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