Caregiver stress, It’s for real!

Why does a daughter-in-law skydive out of a perfectly good airplane?
Sounds like the start to a really bad joke, doesn’t it?
The answer? "Because it is the opposite of sitting with "grandma""

This how my mom dealt with the stress of caring for her mother in-law with dementia.

What is caregiver stress exactly?

Caring for elderly parents is challenging and can lead to caregiver stress, syndrome, or burnout, which can manifest as exhaustion, anger, or guilt from continuous care. Though not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, many healthcare professionals recognize these terms.

What are some of the causes of Caregiver stress?

• Role confusion: It can be difficult to separate the role of caregiver from the role as spouse, lover, child, friend or another close relationship.
• Unrealistic expectations: Many caregivers expect their care should have a positive effect on the health and happiness of the patient. While care helps maintain quality of life, it's important to have realistic expectations about progressive conditions. 
  This may or not be the case for patients suffering from a long, progressive diseases, such as Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s.
• Lack of control: Lack of money, resources or skills to effectively plan, and manage their loved one’s care.
• Unreasonable demands: Some caregivers see providing care as their exclusive responsibility. Sometimes family members like siblings, adult children or the patient himself/herself may place unreasonable demands on the caregiver. This may be because other family members live far away or works long hours or has too many other responsibilities.
• Other factors: Many caregivers do not recognize when they are suffering burnout until their own health begins to fail.

Did you know that???

• In the past five years, over 40 million family caregivers provided 37 billion hours of care for loved ones.
• At least 20% of adult children are taking care of an older parent, and that number will only increase moving forward.
• That about 85% of family caregivers in the U.S. do not receive any respite care.
• The last phase of life is generally 4.5 to 5 years.

Those are some pretty heavy statistics. Is there something you can do to prevent Caregiver burnout? Yes! It takes a little forethought but there are plenty of ways,

Now, can I get a little real with you? Even if you don’t think you are in burnout, if you are caring for another, and you’ve read this far I am going to assume that you a) probably are and may or may not be aware of it or b) headed that way and may or may not be aware of it.
So, can we for a moment go on that assumption and discuss some of the ways you can stop and reverse care burnout?

How can you manage caregiver stress?

Seeking Support and Resources

Whenever I hear someone is a caregiver for a parent or spouse my first advice is don’t go at it alone. I get it, I tend to want to be a lone wolf, and not ask for help, But IT’S NOT HEALTHY.

Caregiver resources are everywhere! Check with your local Community Center or Senior Center they can be a great place for local resources and possible financial assistance for care in the way of grants.

You may also want to talk to your personal care physician. He or she can be a great resource (especially doctors specializing in the geriatric population.)

Look around!

People are busy these days with job, kid's activities and more our lives are full! But look around caregiver support may be closer than you think! Can a sibling, or grandchild come for a Saturday? Can a friend of your loved one come for a few hours in the afternoon? What about your or your loved one’s church or house of worship? Is there a friend or volunteer that would be able to come to visit for a couple of hours?

Anywhere else?

Have you considered working with a home health agency? Home Health Aids (like me) are highly trained and can help in a wide variety of ways. HHA’s can help with activities of daily living like showering and dressing; they can also help with housekeeping or respite care. I would get cases from time to time for caregiver relief.  I would sit with the loved one while the caregiver gets out of the house for a little while. Go shopping, go to the library, take a class, it doesn’t matter just get away, take time for yourself, 

YOU DESERVE IT!! 

I remember "babysitting" for some neighbors' kids before I was really mature enough to handle it. I would entertain the kids while mom got housekeeping done. Even if you are not comfortable leaving your loved one, having someone new for your loved one to talk to while you get your chores done or have some quiet time to yourself can be a break too!

But trust me, your loved one will be fine for a couple of hours with a skilled caregiver. 

Where else? You can also check and see if there is a senior daycare or senior center in your area. They often provide a meal and engaging activities. It’s a place where your loved one can make some new friends and respite time for you.

Finally, many nursing homes and assisted living centers will allow short term stays for caregiver respite.

I remember when I worked in an assistant living center, we would occasionally get a new resident in for just a week or so.

We even utilized a nursing home for grandma just for the weekend (I’m thinking it was for grandpa’s surgery), and it worked out pretty well despite her advancing dementia.  If nursing home care is potentially in the future it may be a good way to ease the transition.

A final thought

All in all, if you get nothing else out of this article hear me when I tell you that YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU are worth taking time to care for yourself, YOU WILL be a better caregiver only if you care for yourself first.

Questions

What is your biggest struggle as a caregiver?
Do you take time for yourself? Why or why not?
How do you plan on implementing just one of the suggestions

Comment below